So here's the thing. I hate Christmas. I hate the pressure of buying gifts, I hate the commercialization, I hate the fact that nobody is a little weirded out by the religious origins of their secular "holiday season". I hate the inane, torturous socializing with people I don't particularly care about and have nothing in common with. I hate the expectation that I be filled with warm fuzzy holiday joy. I hate the idea of Santa--a creepy octogenarian pervert in a red jumpsuit who crawls into houses so he can watch children sleep. It's like all the bad parts of Edward Cullen found all the bad parts of John Candy and Tim Allen and they melded together into this bizarre flying pedophile. I hate the crowds at the malls, I hate being off school, I really really hate the stupid mindless music. I hate the lights that waste energy for no reason, I hate the food which is fatty and overcooked and gross, I hate the seasonal movies which contain none of the film elements I like (spaceships, explosions, and/or murders, and preferably all three at once). In fact, probably the only thing I don't hate about Christmas is the weather, because it's finally cold and I love winter.

Tomorrow is the big day which is supposed to be "perfect" and "festive" and "joyful" and all manner of other trite bisyllabic words that give me the creeping horrors. However, the thing I really truly absolutely unequivocally hate hate hate about Christmas is the reactions I get if I say I don't like Christmas.

"Oh, you're such a Scrooge."
"Who doesn't like Christmas?"
"Whatever, Ebenezer."
"Bah Humbug."
"Don't be a Grinch."
"Somebody's going to get coal in her stocking!"

Right, I just told you that I don't truck with your bizarre pseudoreligious holiday which is supposedly about generosity but is really about mindless consumerism and the way you're going to change my opinion about it is by telling me that I resemble the villains in your weird December mythology? You can bet all the Whos in Whoville that's going to be a pretty damn ineffective tactic.

So here's a holiday message to all the minority world yuppie ostriches (head in the sand, anyone?) who dredge out their goodwill to men one month out of the year and let everyone rot the other eleven.

Merry *#&@ing Christmas.

The Lucky One
~Allison Krauss

You’re the lucky one so I’ve been told
Free as the wind blowin' down the road
Loved by many, hated by none
I’d say you were lucky cause I know what you’ve done
Not a care in the world not a worry in sight
Everything’s going to be all right
Cause you’re the lucky one

You’re the lucky one always havin' fun
A jack of all trades a master of none
You look at the world with a smiling eye
And laugh at the devil as his train rolls by
Just give you a song and a one-night stand
And you’ll be looking at a happy man
Cause you’re the lucky one

Were you blessed? I guess
By never knowin' which road you’re choosing
To you the next best thing to playin' and winning
Is playin' and losin'

You’re the lucky one I know that now
Don’t ask you why when where or how
You look at the world through your smilin' eye
And laugh at the devil as his train rolls by
Just give you a song and a one-night stand
And you’ll be looking at a happy man
Cause you’re the lucky one

You’re the lucky one I know that now
Don’t ask you why when where or how
No matter where you’re at is where you’ll be
You can bet your luck won’t follow me
Just give you a song and a one-night stand
And you’ll be looking at a happy man
Cause you’re the lucky one.

But I haven't asked for it either. What's our problem, Jane?

Soooooo, if all goes well on Friday when I register for courses and I don't have to change anything, this is what my schedule will look like.

Monday
11-12:30 Portuguese (lecture)

Tuesday
10-11 Biology (lecture)
12-1 English (lecture)
2-3 English (seminar)
4-5 Medieval Civ. (seminar)

Wednesday
11-12:30 Portuguese (lecture)
2-3 Women's Studies (seminar)
5-7 Medieval Civ. (lecture)

Thursday
10-11 Biology (lecture)
12-1 English (lecture)
5-7 Women's Studies (lecture)

"Desecration"

When Thorolf Mostur-Beard died at Hofstad, Thorstein the Cod-Biter inherited his father's farm, and married Thora, Olaf's Daughter, the sister of Thord Gellir, who was at that time living at Hvamm. A burial mound was raised over Thorolf at Haugsnes west of Hofstad.

By this time the Kjalleklings had grown so puffed up with arrogance they thought themselves better than anyone else in the settlements. Bjorn the Easterner had such a vast number of kinsmen there wasn't another family in Breidafjord to compare with his. At that time their kinsman Children-Kjallak was living at a farm in Medalfell Strand, now called Kjallaksstad. He had a good many sons, very able men who supported all their kinsmen on the south side of the bay at public meetings and other assemblies.

One spring at the Thor's Ness Assembly, Thorgrim Kjallaksson and his brother-in-law Asgeir of Eyr declared publicly that they weren't going to put up any longer with the Thorsnessings' pride, and meant to ease themselves there on the grass just as they would at any other meeting, even though the Thorsnessings were so full of their own importance that they thought their land more sacred than any other in Breidafjord. The Kjalleklings let it be known that they weren't planning to waste any more shoe-leather on trips to an off-shore skerry whenever they felt the demands of nature. Thorstein the Cod-Biter heard about it. He had no intention of letting them desecrate the field his father Thorolf held sacred above all his land, so he gathered all his friends around him with the idea of barring the Kjalleklings from the Assembly ground by force should they attempt to desecrate it. These were men who backed Thorstein: Thorgeir the Bent, son of Geirrod of Eyr, Thorfinn of Alftafjord, his son Thorbrand, and Thorolf Twist-Foot; and plenty more friends and followers besides.

That evening, after the Kjalleklings had eaten, they took their weapons and went out to the headland. As soon as Thorstein and his men saw them turning off from the path to the skerry, they ran for their weapons and raced after them shouting abuse. The Kjalleklings saw them coming, and closed up ready to defend themselves, but the Thorsnessings went for them so fiercely that the Kjalleklings were forced to back down on to the beach. There they turned to face their attackers, and the fighting began in real earnest. There weren't as many of the Kjalleklings, but they had all the best fighters.

At this point, the men of Skoga Strand, Thorgest the Old and Aslak of Langdale, realised what was happening and hurried over to intervene, but both parties were so bitter that there was no separating them until the mediators threatened to join the first side which listened to them. After that the two sides drew apart, on the understanding that the Kjalleklings were not to go back to the Assembly ground. This meant that they had to board their ship and leave the meeting. There had been deaths on both sides, particularly the Kjalleklings', and a good many wounded. It was impossible to arrange peace-terms, as neither side was willing to offer any, and each kept threatening to set on the other at the first opportunity. The spot where they'd fought and where the Thorsnessings had taken their stand was soaked with blood.

Excerpt from "The Eyrbyggja Saga"
Translated by Hermann Palsson and Paul Edwards
****

Sure, that chapter was about power and sacred land and two opposing forces clashing in a new country (Iceland). But also and more hilariously, it's about the need all men seem to have to piss wherever they want. Incidentally, the problem is resolved by a mediator, and both sides of the conflict make peace when it's decided that the original sacred ground is now polluted and thereby rendered normal due to the spilling of blood on it. A new sacred meeting ground is set up where both families pay for the upkeep of the temple and where you can pee wherever you want. And people think medieval literature is dry! They have no idea.

And I'm sure you all know how that quote ends, but this post is not about Denmark. At its heart it's about cultural perceptions, and one in particular that's shifted drastically over the course of the last fifty years.

We're all probably familiar with this image.



It's Rembrandt of course, and a depiction of Bathsheba bathing. Bathsheba is pretty much at the top of the Old Testament's list of iconic and beautiful women. Some of you may have seen this picture as well...



That's Rembrandt as well, but this time rather than a Biblical character he's portrayed one out of Greek mythology. That woman is Danae who the god Zeus found so irresistable that he impregnated her. Now let's see something from someone other than Rembrandt.



Those are the Three Graces, by Ruben.



That's also by Ruben. Now for something from my favourite pre-Raphaelite, John William Waterhouse...



Has anyone noticed a trend yet? I think it's time for a case study. As we all know, Venus is the goddess of love and a divinely beautiful woman. She's also (sadly, in my opinion) at the forefront of a women's razor marketing campaign. Let's compare images of Venus now and then.



Venus by Titian.



Venus by Gillette.



Venus by Boticelli.



Venus by Ruben.



...And again, Venus by Gillette. I would like to know when women stopped looking like women and started looking like leggy prepubescent twelve year olds. (I specify the type of twelve year old because by twelve I was anything other than leggy and prepubescent.) When did this...



Become replaced by this...



Even the standards of beauty we set for children these days are ridiculous. Our society is preconditioning women to see themselves as unattractive and inferior. What female child is going to grow up aspiring to become a Rubenesque beauty when pop art has replaced Art and her ideals are these...







The sad thing is that while these are the ideals we set up, you can't have Barbie or Jasmine's figure and retain human bone structure. The standards set for grown women are just as bad, the catch being that we should know better.









Those pictures do not depict healthy women. Those are women with no immunities and no vitality, yet lovely people the world over are dying to look like them. When will our society learn that healthy is happy and happy is attractive? Women should not strive to be twenty pounds underweight so they can fit into some bizarrely skewed modern conception of beauty. We should all strive to become satisfied and joy filled people--healthy and happy and vibrant.

Stolen from Kish, but with a twist.

These are things I've done which most people either of my gender or in my age range haven't.

Movies

--Watched a two and a half hour movie without any dialogue.
--Seen Apocalypse Now
--Seen a movie 8 times in theatres

Sports and Outdoors

--Gone camping and liked it
--Slept in a nine foot trailer with five other people
--Slept outside without a tent or trailer
--Run over ten kilometres
--Gone to a bullriding

Books

--Read Ayn Rand
--Read a 700 page book despite hating it from page 1
--Reviewed a book
--Written a book


Food

--Had sushi
--Been vegetarian (am now)
--Eaten an insect
--Baked bread
--Eaten with chopsticks (proficiently)

Miscellaneous

--Ridden a horse
--Walked across a hanging log 40 feet above the ground
--Published a piece of writing
--Been asked out by a homeless man
--Been asked out by a black man
--Been on a train
--Lived away from home
--Fired a gun
--Had an office
--Seen David Suzuki in person

Is anyone else as petrified about The Hobbit movie adaptation as I am? First of all, PJ isn't directing. Now, that I could get over since he's still on board as a producer. I love him and I don't think anyone else could have done what he did with LotR, but maybe now we'll retain his vision without the pain of moments such as "share the load" (you know what I'm talking about--slow mo is a no no). What I'm really crushed about is the fact that his lovely lady Fran Walsh and the absolutely wonderful Philippa Boyens won't be writing the adaptation. I was so impressed by the work they did on the Lord of the Rings and you could see that they were trying to do their level best to stay close to the book and put in little things to satisfy the fans. Look at when Gollum mentions the stairs at Cirith Ungol--he actually says "up, up it goes" which is a line from a riddle he asks Bilbo in The Hobbit. I also really appreciated the trouble they went to trying to include original poetry and song from the books, as well as important speeches, even if it meant changing the speaker. Guillermo del Toro is slated as the new director, which is alright by me, because I like his work and as I said, PJ will still be on board in some capacity. It's the writing that really worries me. Writing makes or breaks a movie.

Also, what's up with this "sequel to The Hobbit" they're planning on? Just make The Hobbit!! It doesn't need a sequel! That's what the Lord of the Rings is for crying out loud!!! This scares me more than anything else. There's nothing written for them to base this "sequel" on, and I for one am not looking forward to it. The potential for it to turn into a piece of fantasy garbage such as has been produced lately is high, in my opinion, without Tolkien's original work to ground it. I'm looking at you, The Last Mimzy, and The Golden Compass (which I was crushed by). Anyway, I await the beginning of production and the release date of The Hobbit and its as yet unnamed sequel (*shudder*) with great trepidation.

I seriously need to make an appoinment with an academic advisor. I've been trying to draw up a tentative schedule for my undergrad program and the big gap in year three where I want to go on exchange is screwing me up. I don't have all my requirements met, let alone the courses they "recommend" Honours students take. I mean, I've done my best with most of the requirements, but I don't know what I can substitute out and take a replacement for when/if I'm overseas. It's eating my brain! I'm making an appointment tomorrow. However, what I did find during my grueling perusal of the undergrad calendar were four courses I'm absolutely dying to take. I will schedule my entire program around them, if need be. There are two courses in Anglo Saxon literature and two in Old Norse literature and I swear I will have sweet, sweet dreams about those courses. Unfortunately I'll have to take two of them based on the instructor's permission since they're third year and I won't be there for third year. I plan to take them in year two instead, since they're prerequisites for further courses I want to take in fourth year.

It's so confusing!

I like fan merch as much as the next girl, and I've been surfing the Lord of the Rings Plaza's merchandise this morning since I need to replace my Evenstar necklace (one of the jewels came off! *sob*). However, the purist in me positively cringes at this: "Lord of the Rings Arwen Pendant Navel Ring: Adorn your belly with Elven beauty wearing this Arwen Pendant Navel Ring."

Tolkien is spinning in his grave.

Look! It's Beck's Petrel of Papua New Guinea, thought to be extinct for the past 80 years but in point of fact, still alive and well!



Many people know the blue whale is the world's largest animal. But did you know they're notoriously hard to locate? Until 2004, there hadn't been a blue whale sighting for 30 years, which is a heck of a long time for an 80 foot critter to go unnoticed.



In 2004, the ivory-billed woodpecker which had been MIA for sixty years was sighted.



And here's the large-billed reed warbler of Thailand, which was discovered 130 years and hasn't been seen since. At least until recently, when it was rediscovered at a wastewater treament plant.



The world is pretty cool.

Woo hoo! Inspiration has struck for chapter nine! (Man, my blog is boring)

I love my yoga routine. It's so relaxing, and it fills me with a sense of wellbeing. *g* I also love tea. I don't love running quite as much, because it's a pain, but I do it because I know it's good for me in the long run.

You know what I find odd? The fact that people go out of their way to keep in touch with me. *g* I tend to have a horrible attitude towards that sort of thing--if the other person doesn't make an effort first, I'm prepared to let a friendship/acquaintanceship fade slowly away. Don't get me wrong, I'm the kind of person who views a friend as a friend for life, and even if I haven't spoken to you in ten years, when we meet again I'll still adore you and to me, at least, it'll seem like no time has passed.

Fortunately for me, I'm apparently someone people like to talk to. XD Many times over the years I've had a friend who I was slowly beginning to speak to less and less take a step towards continuing communication, whether it be through letters or email or what have you. And while I may be a bit of a fatalist when it comes to the fading of friendships in the first place, I inevitably respond very well to that kind of thing, and once the move has been made, I do keep in touch. I guess it's that I find it reassuring to know that someone places enough importance on me to put effort into keeping up the acquaintanceship as it were. (Incidentally, looking at my attitude regarding staying in contact with friends makes me feel ridiculously narcissistic and lazy, but I yam what I yam.)

Oh, along those lines, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm sort of an absent present from the wonderful realm of the internet at best. Our connection is really patchy and we probably won't be getting our wireless up and running till sometime in May. I use what web access I do have for research and email. I'm also pretty involved in my (painfully) extensive second pass revisions right now, so if I had reliable internet, I'd likely still be a missing presence. However, should you so choose (and I hope you do because I adore every last person who reads this blog--I think, there may be a stalker reader I don't know about) I still check my email regularly and do respond to any emails I receive, particularly those from friends who I haven't gotten a chance to talk to for awhile. Let's see--I'm looking at Jen, Erin, and Jessica in particular, since you three are the ones I hardly talk to. Jane and Breanne, I see you guys all the time, so if you really want to email me, be my guest but I could just, you know, talk to you whenever you want. If anyone does drop me a line (and I really do mean a line--I'm willing to write the first long epistle) I shall attempt to reply as promptly as possible.

And now back to the book. I hashed out a new plot chart last night, which makes me feel infinitely better about revisions. There are some radical differences from the first draft, and it's nice to have a concrete idea of where I'm taking things. Now all that remains is to buckle down and write 75,000 more words.

That is what I'll go do.

In case anyone would like to read any of the books I read this year, I'm including authors.

1. The Secret Diary Of Andrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4
Sue Townsend
2. I Rode A Horse Of Milk White Jade
Diane Lee Wilson
3. Girl At Sea
Maureen Johnson
4. Over A Thousand Hills I Walk With You
Hanna Jansen
5. The Painted Veil
W. Somerset Maugham
6. The Silmarillion
JRR Tolkien
7. The Spirit's Terrain--Creativity, Activism, And Transformation
Christopher Childs
8. Dreamquake
Elizabeth Knox
9. Atonement
Ian McEwan
10. Carpe Diem
Autumn Cornwell
Easy read, fun story with travel, and also possibly the most hysterical and mismatched romance I have yet to encounter between the covers of a book.
11. A Wizard Of Earthsea
Ursula Le Guin
I admit, I read this book because Breanne didn't like it so I thought I might, but she was right. The end was so anticlimactic. I was not impressed. It was also very clicheed as far fantasy goes.

I've been thinking about school (go figure) and I'm definitely hooked on the idea of going on exchange. It's a really a great way to see another country. I'd definitely want to go to Europe, and now that I've looked at Brock's list of exchange schools, I'm leaning towards the UK. I still plan on a minor in German, but why go to Germany when I've always wanted to go to the UK? The big question is Scotland, Wales or Britain? I have two and a half years to decide so I'll think it over. *g*

In other news, I've taken up daily yoga. I do it just following my organic breakfast. XD Oh, and chapter eight has been dispensed with. Take that, chapter eight! On to chapter nine.

I'm off. Mom and I are heading out to the library, and I plan on staying awhile (and paying a substantial fine).

Chapter eight, I hereby dub thee The Unending Chapter Of Perpetual Doom.

Sometimes I can't believe I'm actually still working on this novel. I mean, I'm just not the sort of person who sticks with something for over a year. I start projects, I don't finish them. I always thought I'd end up on welfare, writing amazing prologues but never the novels to go with them. Now here I am, still flighty, still determined to pursue a financially dubious career, but actually putting in the work required to achieve a modicum of success in the field. Life's a funny thing.

Back to work.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Why do Amy's hyperactive friends have to come to my house every freaking day? Is there no rest for the wicked? (Only I'm not wicked, more like morally handicapped) I thought after she and Matt broke up just my family would be here again but noooo. Now instead of one loud obnoxious unwanted additional teenager we get a minimum of two, and a maximum of ten.

That job onboard a cruise ship is looking better and better. I mean, I love all my friends, but honestly, guys, I don't even have a remote desire to see you everyday of my life. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Oh, hey, I made myself a really funny shirt. It says "Haudh-en-Arwen" across the chest. Huzzah for Elvish language jokes!

(Haudh-en-Arwen is a burial site in Middle Earth known as the Ladybarrow. However, the direct translation of Haudh-en-Arwen is "mound of the lady". I just couldn't resist)

1. how's your heart lately: ventricular, if that's a word. If you mean my heart in the non-biological sense, just as carefree and disinclined to romance as always.
2. when was the last time you went out: Does going to Brock on Monday count? I did get coffee at Starbucks.
3. the last place you went: See above.
4. do you miss someone: No, frankly.
5. what made you laugh today: Nothing so far. I woke up 29 minutes ago.
6. are you scared to fall in love: Yes. I hope I don't. *g*
7. when was the last time you drank: I just finished a glass of water, actually. If that's not what you mean, then a few months ago when we had the family over for Christmas. We rarely have alcohol in my house and I never go out for the purpose of finding alcohol.
8. ever thought you were in love: No.
9. did you dream last night: No.
10. what were you doing at seven this morning: Still sleeping
11. what were you doing this morning at ten: It's not ten yet. Yesterday I was arriving at work.
12. what were you doing this afternoon at 12: Yesterday I was at work. Today I shall also be at work when noon rolls around.
13. what is something you do too much of: Hesitate.
14. do you have a tattoo: Not yet. *g*
15. what was the last think you drank: Water.
16. last text message received: One that mom accidentally sent me instead of my sister, and so it made no sense whatsoever.
17. do you have a nickname: La, Laura the Explorer, Laura Borealis, Luara.
18. something you need to do every day: Breathe. I don't think there's anything I really need to do every day that I'm not reliant upon for the continuation of my biological essence.
19. are you the type of person who gets hurt easily: Sort of. It depends on the situation.
20. the last person who called you: My mother, I think.
21. the last person who sent you a message: See above. I have no life.
22. anything exciting happen yesterday: I went to work. I came home. I finished the documentary I was watching. I worked on the novel for a bit. I finished the book I was reading. I went to bed. So no.
23. what color is your underwear: Pink and it says "Welcome to Paradise...Tahiti" I'd like to go to Tahiti. I feel like an underwear fraud since I haven't been there.
24. how many things in your past do you regret: A few. Probably three, tops. Most of them involve crappy summer jobs.
25. do you have a best friend: Not really.
26. what do you want to do when you grow up: Write, obviously. And travel. And live in an environmentally friendly house with a large property.
27. do you pray often: It depends on your definition of prayer.
28. ever had your heart broken: No.
29. would you take any of your exes back: I have none. The reason none of the guys I went out with once or twice never actually made it to a point where they could be thought of as exes is that, no, I would never take them back seeing as I never really took them up in the first place. *huff* Please refer to your Laura translator if you'd like to know what that means in normal human speech.
30. do you like your life: Yes. Very much so.
31. have any of your friends stabbed you in the back: No. I'd just stab them in the eyeballs if they did, which explains why none of them have.
32. would you forgive them if they did: See above answer. I'd drag their dead and broken bodies through the dirt.
33. would you ever join the military: Yes.
34. have you ever slapped a girl in the face: Yes. Who was it? Was it Jen or Jane?
35. whats your biggest fear: Becoming ordinary.
36. what are your plans for tonight: Some intensive novel work and possibly a run outside or at the gym. Also some meditative yoga. Oh, and maybe I'll go to Walmart and pick up a scrapbook.
37. last time your feelings were really hurt: I can't even remember the last time they were really hurt by a person. I tend to give people a lot of leeway to say stupid things. However, my feelings are very often brutally hurt by life and circumstance. I'd say the last time was about a week ago.
38. who and when was the last person you called: I can't remember. I think it was Janessa's house, but I talked to her mom.
39. who and when was the last person you hugged: I can't remember. XD I don't like to be touched. Mostly I just stand there if someone is hugging me.
40. what time is it right now: 8:41 and cripes! I have to get ready for work!

1. The Secret Diary Of Andrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4
2. I Rode A Horse Of Milk White Jade
3. Girl At Sea
4. Over A Thousand Hills I Walk With You
5. The Painted Veil
6. The Silmarillion
This was a reread, and of course, infinitely worth it. Next I'll be rereading the Hobbit and then on to the Lord of the Rings! Woot!
7. The Spirit's Terrain--Creativity, Activism, And Transformation
Here's the first nonfiction addition the list. It was an excellent book, which I highly recommend to any creative person with an interest in world issues and using their talents to effect positive change.
8. Dreamquake
This is the second part of the Dreamhunter Duet, the first book of which I read in the spring. It's absolutely fabulous fantasy (I'm compiling a list of my favourite fantasy novels, since pretty much all my friends love the genre--look for that sometime soon. This book and its companion are on the list). I read it in about six hours, all in one sitting, despite the fact that it's upwards of 400 pages. In a word, spellbinding.
9. Atonement
I'm including Atonement even though I haven't quite finished it yet, because I will be finished it in the next day or two. The only reason my reading of this book was temporarily halted is that I put it in the box with my manuscript and forgot where it was. *g* I unearthed it this evening, so I'll be done in time to return it to Jane on Thursday (or was it Wednesday? XD)

And those are my additions so far. I'm so excited to reread the Hobbit. Granted, I'll probably read the other two fluffy YP books I got out from the library before/whilst I continue with Tolkien. I really like this fifty books in a year idea. Gives me the perfect reason not to feel guilty because I'm reading instead of running or working on revisions.